Why have I been late with January’s address? Too much of Christmas wine, women and song! Also, I have been pushing the repertoire of hex-me.com’s vaunted services to the absolute limit. That takes time and enormous effort, as I’m sure you can appreciate.
This month we are going to unleash the legendary Beast of the Gevaudan on your foes! The Beast – or La Bete as she is still known to the French – is one of the world’s great occult mysteries. From 1764-1767 this rapacious hell-hound ruthlessly devoured over 80 people in the Gevaudan region of Southern France.
The Beast was described as being as big as a cow with a long, sinuous tail; her head was wolfish with small, pointed ears and large, protruding fangs. The creature had red fur, though a peculiar white stripe ran down her chest and belly. Hardcore: she may even have been able to leap up to thirty feet, according to analysis of her tracks.
La Bete perfectly meets the description of a long extinct creature called a Mesonychid. These were an ancient order of hoofed predators related to modern whales: they had big, triangular teeth, resembled huge dogs and had enormous bite strength (over 2000 pounds per square inch, far stronger than a modern hyaena).
And she was cunning! Often she would torture a lamb until the piteous cries of distress lured the poor creature’s young owner from cover, to be slain and devoured. This is most unusual, implying the beast could infer the consciousness of others. Skilled, well-armed hunters could not bring her to bay for three years. And she was strange: she always ate humans, never the sheep or cattle they guarded.
One day, by chance, a hunter shot her: it took four brawny men to carry the body. The chroniclers tell that our Beast’s eyes glowed with an eldritch, crimson fire. And her tail twitched like a snake.
Who but I, the Master of Sex Magic, could solve such a mystery?
I ascended to the Keep of the Four Worlds in Astral, and unravelled this ancient riddle at a glance. A French high magician now lost to history named Guillaume de Cavallet conjured the spirit from the prehistoric past to wreak havoc on the French peasantry, whose women had ever spurned his advances. The reason the Beast eluded so many hunters was her spectral ability to vanish at will.
I bound her with a spell, and gave her spirit to Angelo Alvarez. Ah, that worthy man! The Beast howls now in his mountain stronghold, thirsting to be unleashed again. Two centuries have passed: and she is hungry!
We offer this hell-hound for your delectation, O Hexers loyal and true: at our command she will spring on your foes, exacting dread vengeance for your bitter pain. Only two requests can be sanctioned this month, so book now – don’t delay.
In February, we shall speak again.
Labels: 2007, January, monthly address